I’ll like to begin with how best I love to introduce myself.
My name is Adesewa Greg-Ighodaro. A lot of people know that I loooooove to call my name. And one of the reasons is that God gave me a new surname that always reminds me that He is very proud of me.
When God gave me my Husband, I knew and understood better, the depth of His love for me. And so I am excited to be writing on the title “Expressing Love In Relationship Without Getting into Sin”.
I’m going to start from the relationships I got into before I got married.
I started getting into relationships roughly, and at a very early age. Part of why this happened was because I felt I was not enough. I did not personally know my value. I didn’t even know what having value is. I was young, just finished from an only girls’ school and thought I needed a boyfriend to make my life more spicy or fun.
So, there was this very fine guy that used to come play video games around the place where I was working as a secondary school leaver. I can’t remember how he asked me out right now but we started ‘dating’.
That was the beginning of trouble.
And I want you to get something from this.
If you are yet to discover who you are as a person – an individual, you have no business thinking about a relationship, not to talk of asking God for a wife/husband.
If you are yet to ask God or hear God (through His Word) tell you why He created you and what He created you for, abeg no go near relationship (which means there’s no part for you yet in having a purposeful relationship as intended by the making of our divine nature)
The reason the issue of identity recognition is key, is because, until you know who you are, you will respond and attract any single rubbish. You will see rag and you will call it riches. You will see riches and you will call it destiny. You will see destiny but you will run from it because you can’t even recognise it.
Until Adam was created and given a purpose, Eve was not presented to him. And before Eve came on the scene, a purpose was already in position, waiting for her to occupy it. In the sense that God saw Adam needed a companion, help and completer. However, we see that because she did not see the need to understand her purpose or the reason God brought her on the scene, she doubted her worth and traded it for immediate gratification as presented by the serpent.
It is the same with falling into any kind of sin in a relationship.
An idea and picture of who you are puts a cap to what extent by which you can go in the Spirit and when you are faced with trials, troubles and temptation.
On the other hand, let us look at the life of Jesus.
Although born in a human body for a divine assignment, Jesus knew, deeply understood and walked in the consciousness of His heavenly identity, that when the devil presented Him with varying options, He had enough spiritual strength and stamina to wade off the enemy’s schemes and tactics.
Infact, He knew who He was so much, that He told the enemy throughout His stay on earth to back off.
If you will not fall or get tempted to the point of getting dragged into sin, you must know who you are and know it well. That when they wake you from sleep, you spit it out like fire.
NOW, HERE’S ANOTHER THING TO NOTE
Asides from your identity or personality. Because a love relationship happens between two people, you MUST also know the identity of your intended (or already) partner. You may not fully comprehend it, but at least be knowledgeable about the person’s life in God.
Being sure of who you are is not enough to proceed into any kind of relationship. I personally do these for people who come into my life.
You must know who the other person is. You must ask them about themselves. Listen to their conversations with you and others, You must be able to discern their daily processes and dissect who they are and if their personality fits into the picture God has given you.
However, here’s the caveat. You should not go making decisions based on one sided observations. You must ask the other person what God has told them about themselves. Take note of it. And then go to God who created them and ask God, “Who is this person?” I asked God about my husband when he showed up. I didn’t just say, “God, is he the one?” I asked God what His destiny was, because I don’t have time to waste or even space in my heart for heartbreak. It’s too costly.
One of the reasons it’s easy for people to fall into sin in relationships is because we have a truckload of lazy Christians who are not ready to dig deep to gain a wholesome view of the situation at hand and the personality or destiny involved.
So to itemize the three basic significant order identity tests again;
- Ask the person to tell you who they are and who they see themselves to be;
- Ask the person to tell you who God told them they are and possibly show you where they documented it;
- Ask God about His purpose and plans for the person as an individual.
Then these responses will play a role in determining if they are fit for your own picture or not.
THE NEXT THING I’LL LIKE TO TOUCH ON IS THE PROCESS BY WHICH SIN HAPPENS
Please get this – Sin is not always spontaneous.
There is always a process that projects and produces sin.
People don’t just do things
People don’t just lie
People don’t just kiss
People don’t just smooch
People don’t just have sex
It’s all a process.
One thing always leads to something.
It only begins with a thought, or a suggestion, or a wrong statement, or being in the wrong environment.
The bottom line is, no one just falls into sin.
And with love relationships, it can be more strenuous emotionally because all your emotions are shouting on your head even the next person sitting close to you can almost tell.
So, how can your relationship survive this emotional and sexual strain.
- Be open about your position on sexual or emotional sin. Don’t assume that the other person knows you are a ‘spirikoko’. Open your mouth to say ‘you no go do’ (that means, you are not interested). Someone once said, assumption is the lowest form of knowledge so don’t assume that the other person will know. Save yourself the heartache and have an open and honest conversation.
- Limit your conversations about emotional sin. Something about our minds and thought patterns is that the more you speak about something, the more the tendency is for you to do that thing. So as much as you can, limit your conversations around doing ‘future things’ together. There’ll be times to talk about it but it can’t be most of the time.
- Avoid being in environments that makes it easy for sin to occur. Whether it is you telling a lie or you falling into your significant other’s arms for succour, just make sure that you purposely are not found in places that suggest sin can thrive
- Very importantly, have an accountability friend, coach or mentor that you can share your struggles with. Most of the time, when we are under these kinds of teachings, we make really strong resolutions but when the hook comes to shove, we find it hard to implement what has been heard. This is where the place of accountability comes in. Get someone with whom you could discuss these things on a consistent basis so they can help you handle the pressure right.
- Watch what you watch. I always say that your eye and ear gates are very important for you to control, because whatever you consume can become your reality. So, be careful to have a selective diet of audio-visual content.
- FLEE EVERY APPEARANCE OF EVIL. There are some times that you may not be able to execute any of the things mentioned depending on the situation. PLEASE RUN when you see that it’s like sin wants to happen. Don’t try to test your strength. Don’t let the devil borrow you for 1minute. RUN AWAY.
The Bible says there is no temptation that we will be faced with except ones that we can bear and even those ones, there is always a prepared way of escape.
Don’t stand for counselling when you are meant to run.
The last thing that will happen when you run is that you may fall to the floor but it is better to fall and be bruised than to fall into that temptation and be decreased spiritually.
Without mincing words, there is also another level of sin you must watch out for. It is the sin of disobedience. For anything to become successful, there is a secret ingredient that makes it work. When you get into a relationship, ask God about the secret to the success of that relationship. Know your consecrations. Decode the guiding principles for your relationship to thrive.
You must note that your consecrations may not necessarily be a known sin. It might be something that is common and generally acceptable but if you do it, it becomes sin to God and now creates a ripple effect of trouble.
God is the good Father. He is faithful and always wants the best for us His children. Sin is not from Him. Our choices are what produce a fruit of sin in us. God does not test us with sin. We have instructions to follow and teachings like this are to guide us further into truth. So, the next time you are thinking that the struggle is too much, ask God to engrace you but also run away from the sin that stares at you.
To your best life in marriage,