Every home or marriage is BUILT. No marriage works on its own. No marriage works on its own, you either work it or loose it. You either BUILD it or destroy it, knowingly or unknowingly. Many people are in marriage and destroying it with their hands.
If yours is not working, it’s possible you are not putting in the right bricks or amount of cement or fitting necessary per time. So, every marriage is BUILT into the desired edifice; and every BUILDING stands on a FOUNDATION.
The foundation is always unseen but is very fundamental to the building. No foundation, no building; Basically, your relationship/courtship days are majorly the foundation days for the marriage you want to build. Also, your early days in marriage can also contribute to the solidity of the foundation you are setting for the marriage and family.
If you have been married for years and have had a very rough marital ride? Do not bother, this teaching is also for you.
Psalm 11: 3 says, “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” The righteous can rebuild the foundation! Yes!!! So even if you made mistakes at the inception of your marriage and things have been very rough for you and your spouse, I believe today is your day of Marital restoration and bliss. All you need to do is apply the principles we shall discuss, and God will bring restoration to your marriage.
I decree by the mercies of God, every marriage and home in this Commission shall begin to enjoy Heavenly Bliss in Jesus name. Amen! No more marital crisis in Jesus name. I say, No more marital crisis in Jesus name. I repeat again, No more marital crisis in Jesus name.
The type of foundation you set determines the extent to which you can build.You cannot build a skyscraper on the foundation of a bungalow;you also cannot build an enviable marriage if all you did was casually date that girl.No casual relationship can produce a lasting marriage.You cannot be casual about marriage and build a lasting home.This is why if a lady gets pregnant in a causal relationship, she must be ready to dance to a future of single parenting.
A meaningful life is never a casual one. Hallelujah!!!
So, what are the Foundations for a Successful Home?
1. LEAVE THE CHOICE OF YOUR LIFE PARTNER TO GOD
“Those who leave the choice of a life partner to God, always get the best”- Daddy Bayo Famonure.
I always ask young Christians, “you know that God has a great plan and future for you, doesn’t it occur to you that He also has someone in mind as a life partner for you?”
Prov. 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD”
But favour does not come from gallivanting to the north, or navigating to the south, or scouting through the east and west, favour comes from above. So God has someone for you. Yes!
God who led you to study that course and to choose that business, also wants to choose a wife or husband for you. When you discover (find) God’s choice for you in marriage, then you have found favour from the LORD. Stop this ‘hurry-hurry’ and sit with God to reveal His choice to you, and to settle the both of you as a couple.
I have seen a situation where a lady first knew about the guy as God’s will for her. The guy had not gotten the revelation from God. The lady went into active prayers, “Father, open the eyes of this young man to see me as the wife you have appointed for him”; and God did! Hallelujah! Please and please, do not miss God’s choice. This is the first foundation. You will not miss it in Jesus name. Amen!
2. PRAYER WORK
If you will not pray, please do not be in a relationship or marriage. Marriage can bring or amplify spiritual problems, even when God connects you to the woman or man of His choice, you will face battles. Why? You are two different people coming from two different backgrounds, with different experiences and thought patterns. Who knows, your partner may have a very ugly past. Your partner may have unresolved battles just waiting in the future.
Relationship and courtship time is the time to;
- Pray for the past and to keep it there;
- Pray for the present to heal the past and set the pace for tomorrow; and,
- Pray for the future so it does not reintroduce the past but becomes enviable and blissful.
My wife will always say, “pray so that you will not pray”. She always says that to young couples. Pray now that you are yet to marry, so that you can play when you marry. See, if you refuse to deal with foundational spiritual battles in relationship and courtship, you will be fighting so much in marriage, so much that you may not have room to remember to say, I love you!
Young people, stop deceiving yourself. All this “I love you” is good o, but it can turn sour if you do not deal with the past and build your spiritual future in the place of prayers. There is a time for everything, now is the time to pray not to be flirting with each other. If your partner is not interested in praying now, you may need to reconsider partnership. Pray about everything! Hallelujah!!!
3. NAKEDNESS: TRUTH MUST BE REVEALED, NO HIDDEN SECRETS
Gen 2:25 says, _“And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed”_
Marriage is a land where shame is non-existent. If you will do well as husband and wife, you must be open to each other to the minutest things. Stop hiding your finances, earnings and expenditures. Stop hiding things, including what is locked up in your heart. If there is anything in your heart that your spouse should not know, then it does not deserve to be in your life or your heart. Anything you cannot tell your spouse, don’t do it. Nakedness is necessary for a glorious marriage. Be open about everything.
Transparency is at the root of trust in every marital relationship. You cannot be open to your spouse, and he or she will not know. Continue to be truly transparent, even if your husband is pretending not to know, it is a matter of time, he will be the one revealing his deepest secrets.
Those of you in courtship, sit down with your partner very often, in open places, and reveal to each other all that pertains to you. Let your partner know you and all your past. Do not allow him or her hear any news from an external source later on. Nakedness is a necessity for a marriage that will prosper. And distance is not an excuse. Communicate with your spouse everyday. Tell her everything. Let her be involved in your everyday life like you are on duty together.
While I was serving in Benue in 2011, and my wife was serving in Oyo, she knew the details of my every move, everyday. Give your husband daily exhaustive reports of all in your heart and life, and do it joyfully. It fuels the bond and the love. Hallelujah!!!
4. GENUINE LOVE
Love is the fuel of romantic relationship. Love is the fire that fuels your actions and your commitment to each other. You cannot be committed to a partner you do not love. Do all you can to ensure the love between you and your spouse remains on fire.
However, many people in marriage do not understand that love is in depths. Love is not love, love is in depths. Eph 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for her” I love her. I love her. To what extent? You want to marry her, fine! Can you die for her? This is a serious matter o!!! Can you defend her to the point of death? Can you defend that lady you want to marry even if it means opposing the world to the point of death?
Let me say this to young men….. “Na money you dey hide, sorry for you” Women are not called to suffer. Women are married to be treasured! Love no me for mouth
If you have to suffer to take care of your wife, suffer! It is honourable! Apart from God, the next person you can die for is your wife. It is honourable! Then, in a genuine Godly home, God does not leave a home He constitutes to suffer but for a while.
See, there is no women who cannot fall for love. Love her genuinely, and show it. Prove it beyond all odds, she will stay with you. Saturate your wife’s life with love, she will remain in your castle. Women are won in love.
Women! Women!! Women!!! It is your turn!!! Eph 5:22-23 says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body” Wives, your husband your head, he is not your mate. Your husband is your lord as Christ is your Lord; submit to him, in all things. The way Jesus is Lord over His Church, your husband is your lord, you belong to him. That is the structure in God’s Kingdom. Your husband owns you before God. If you fail, it is his fault, so submit to him and help him succeed.
Wives, do not be tempted in anger to yell, curse or disrespect him, you can never get it right with a man by being bossy. Let me tell you a secret,…. The way to the man’s heart is genuine submission. If you honour your husband as your king in words and DEEDS, you will have the key to his heart, his pocket and his loyalty.
5. OPENNESS TO LEARN
Marriage is a school, and its true! Wedding is not an achievement, many young people do not know this. A beautiful wedding may be a testimony, but it is not an achievement. If you approach marriage with an achievement mentality, you will fail. As young couples, stay open to learn. There is so much to learn.
There are points you will get to in your Marital work and it will be obvious you do not know what to do. There is so much to learn;
- Handling in-laws
- Taking care of children
- Making money
- Multiplying money
- Taking care of your man/wife
- Balancing life’s pressures
- So many things to learn o
Marriage is for those who want to learn, not for those who think they have arrived. You are the head, Yes! But there are times the head is ignorant. Be open to learn!!!
Stop treating your wife like you know everything. She is also your partner. Listen to her! Be open to learn. It is a pity and disaster to have a wife who talks like she knows everything! Peace can never be in a family where the woman talks to silent the man. Women, may you be open to learn in Jesus name.
6. COMMITMENT TO BUILD
Where there is no commitment, there will be losses. Love is not enough to keep a man and a woman as husband and wife. There must be decision to stay together and build Both husband and wife must be steadfast and unmovable. You must both believe in the marriage, the future and what God wants to do with both of you as one body.
Hallelujah!!! Marriage can face turbulent times. You may not have all things rosy.
Be willing to stay together and fight through and overcome together. Any marriage here facing tough times, today Heaven is visiting you with calm and peace in Jesus name.
Let me give this warning to wives, your husband is the head. This doesn’t mean you abandon him to wade through the tough demands of the family alone. You don’t leave him to fend for the family alone. Support your husband! Men, support your wife’s dreams. Help her succeed!
Be committed in love making. Stop starving your spouse of sex. Do not use sex to starve your spouse in order to express your anger over anything.
Be committed to each other’s dreams. Her dream is your own, his dream too is yours.
I was teaching my children this song recently…
When Jesus in the family,
happy happy home X3
When Jesus in the family,
happy happy home X2
Beautiful song! Hallelujah!!!
Allow Jesus to rule your courtship and marriage. Stop running that marriage and home outside the Lordship of Jesus! Eccl 4:12b says, “a threefold cord cannot be quickly broken” You are 1. Your partner is 2. Make Jesus the 3rd and the Lord, because “a threefold cord cannot be quickly broken”
When Jesus is in charge in your marriage, you live your lives and run your union according to His rule, and you will enjoy the joy, lasting peace, unity and bliss that Christ brings.
Yes, it’s possible that before now, you and your partner have been doing things outside Christ, but you can submit that union to the Lordship of Jesus today! Make Jesus the head of the home. Ask for mercy for all sin and waywardness. Say, “Jesus be Lord over this home and marriage”
I will also like you to pray like this…. “Father, heal every crack in my marriage, by your Lordship, Jesus, restore bliss and soundness to my home…”
We love you and we are praying for you.