KEEPING YOUR HOME INTACT IN A LONG DISTANCE MARRIAGE

Marriage is beautiful. Whether Long Distance or under one roof, marriage can be awesome. Believe me, I’ve been in both; and I’ve enjoyed it in both.

Marriage was ordained by God to be a most beautiful thing. Just look at the first marriage. Look at all the preparation that went into it. First, the creation of a beautiful world to live in, specifically the most beautiful garden ever! Then the man who was also given time to discover himself and his environment, before the introduction of the woman and thus, marriage. I’m sure the woman also had time to prepare for the journey ahead before Adam woke up and saw her.

So Adams in the house, before you fall into that sleep of searching that will awaken you into the revelation of your Eve, better make sure you have a garden well planted even if not yet bearing fruit. We’ll work the garden with you, but let it exist first.

Eves in the house, before your Adam opens his eyes and suddenly sees you (even if you were probably there all along), make sure you’re ready to be claimed as his bone and flesh, and to live in submission to that mystery.

So back to my first statement: Marriage, whether under one roof or in different continents, can be beautiful and enviable. All it takes is knowledge of how to make it work, and application of same.

Long Distance Marriage is not a new phenomenon; Especially considering the fact that there is nothing new under the sun. It was there even in Bible times. In the Bible, we read how often the men, either go to war, or take the sheep out to pasture. All these while, the women are left at home to care for the children.

Sometimes they stayed in the fields for months. Remember Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah. Why do you think David had to kill him? Because he had been away for so long that if Bathsheba delivered it would be obvious it wasn’t his child. David invited him back on holiday, but he refused to have fun with his wife while the armies of Israel were at war. Hence David had no Choice, or so he felt.

Hence this command:  

Deut. 24:5 – When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: [but] he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.

However, over time, people became used to married couples living under one roof for most of their lives. Till death do them part.Very few people had Long Distance Marriage in mind when they said I Do

Nevertheless, due to the fast changing times, Long Distance Marriage is increasingly becoming the reality of many modern people. Some due to job transfers, Military deployments, gradual family relocations, a spouse with a job requiring lots of travel, Family emergencies, etc. Distance may sound like a challenge to marriage, but all it takes is a little extra effort.

TRUE LOVE: THE KEY TO MARITAL BLISS

Below lies the Biblical definition of true love :

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.   This is the first and great commandment.   And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.   On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Matthew 22:37-40 KJV

On these two commandments hang all you will ever need to know about success in Marriage. Without these commandments, no marriage, no matter how romantic it was, is ready to survive. Singles in the house, let me tell you one very open powerful secret:

Marry a man or woman that loves God passionately, and you’ve gotten yourself a ticket to a most beautiful adventure.

I can’t say this enough, If I need to, I’ll come and shout it over your roof top!

If you both love God, you’ll both obey His Commands and precepts. And I tell you, the result is mind blowing. You are scared he’s cheating on you because you can’t vouch for his love for God! You are scared she’ll run away from you because you don’t know whether or not she has a relationship with God!

The second law says, love your neighbor as yourself

Note that love is not just a feeling: that’s only an aspect of it. Love is a choice: an action word it is. If you love someone, it either shows in your behavior or you are lying. If you love your spouse, you’ll be truly committed to your marriage no matter the distance.

Remember this, “that decision to beat all odds and stay together no matter what” is the first step. Half the battle is won at that point.

The remaining is action. And I’ll be outlining some briefly:

1. COMMUNICATION

Communication is the bed rock of every relationship and is most crucial in Marriage. No matter the distance, if communication can be maintained, the marriage will stay strong. Even couples living together, if they don’t communicate, will have issues

Thank God for technology; Use it to your advantage. My husband and I has had to get used to Skype, Imo, etc. Extra cool by MTN was also very helpful. In this age and time, if you are not Tech Savvy, what are you? Use Video or Audio calls to keep in touch. Pray together online. Do midnight prayers together either through video or audio calls. Check on each other often, communicate as if you’re together

In one on one relationships, gadgets are an enemy, a distraction. In distant relationships , they become your best friends.

2. VISUAL AIDS

Use your eyes. Keep each other’s pictures everywhere around you. Research has shown that it helps. Out of sight can really become out of mind. My husband’s pictures were displayed everywhere, both for the kids sakes and for mine. I look up from my work and see his smiling eyes, and I throw him a kiss and say a Word of prayer for him. He was my screen saver and I was his. Believe me, it helps a lot.

3. ACT LIKE YOU LIVE TOGETHER

Carry each other along as if he just went out to work or you just stepped out to the market. The only thing missing between us was the physical touch. We get up and greet each other good morning. Say prayers and share some RHEMAS.

He knows what we’re taking for breakfast, I ensure he also takes breakfast. He calls to make sure the kids have gotten to school and I’ve settled in the office. He even gets to know how the dogs and chickens are doing. I’m also constantly updated on his activities.

3. PRIORITISE TRUST

If you started with rule number one of marrying someone who loves God, then surely the trust is already there. Maintain It! Lack of trust is the number one Marriage Slayer. You don’t want to let that one into your marriage, trust me!

Those days, and even now, when certain fears try to steal into my heart, I will declare out loud “Lord, I thank you that the same you that is keeping me is keeping him”. And because its the truth, that ugly devil of fear and distrust flees.

Don’t assume your spouse is cheating on you. Remove that assumption far from you. Trust God to keep both of you pure. If you can resist where you are, so can him or her. Hallelujah

I see God turning every Long Distance Marriage here into a beautiful adventure like I had in the Mighty Name of Jesus Christ. Amen!